Jinxed on happy days

[MIDSEM break!!! Wakakakaka... time to ... ... study more... =( ... oh well... there's always cheese fondu to cheer me up. tee hee, hui]

Today, the birthday of maybe a gazillion people on earth, started off quite well. The ending is a little bit bitter, but I guess it was expected.

Happy birthday to Claud, Leong, Gor, Shy... and the many others whom I will never meet, or will meet one day.

I can't get myself to share the utmost joys on the day of my friends birthdays- I'm designated to have a sad day when I hope to have a fantastically wonderful one.

Example 1
On nearly every birthday celebration of mine, somehow rather I end up in tears- not tears of joy, but from genuine reasons to tear. I would enjoy myself on that day, but I wouldn't say any of my birthdays have been the happiest day of my life.

Example 2
Today. Was looking forward to maybe spending time with my brother on his birthday, but my worse fears came true- he spent it with his friends (which is totally awesome and reasonable) and I was left home alone. Somehow Mum had explicit timing to call just tonight too, and asked me what I was doing. To rub it all in, I told her I was studying even though the mid-semester break is here (SO MUCH WORK TO DO), and the best reply I got was "Oh.".

Example 3
Planning birthday parties for friends. Some turned out really good, some not so good. Even the really good ones were not the best though, as friends did not seem convincingly pleased or excited. Probably just did not do a good enough job. Will try harder.

PMS adding onto this atmosphere of isolation and loneliness is not very nice. Hormones are really quite annoying. Anyway, I just wish I was not so jinxed on happy days and actually am able to enjoy my own birthday celebration for once. Maybe it is because everyone around me perceives birthday parties as an awesome, the-time-of-your-life event that I expect too much from festive days. Either way, please just let me enjoy one day of my life.

Hui Hui ^^b